Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
