I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
