What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
