If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize