Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
