STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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