my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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