he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize