Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
