When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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