I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
