I just saw a hot homeless man
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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