I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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