all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
