Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
