HIV tests are more positive than that guy
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
