Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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