Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
