Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i barfeds in our rink
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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