We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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