when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
