I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
