Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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