i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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