I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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