I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
