Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize