I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
