Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
