do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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