Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
