a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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