I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
