How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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