a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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