Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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