he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
