as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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