If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
