He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
