Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
