why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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