Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
