I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I need to calm my uterus...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
