:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize