He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
