Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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