i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
