Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
