I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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