I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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