I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i came on her dog
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
