Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
