This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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