I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
