u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
