On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
