WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
