I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
