wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize