I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
