So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
