my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
