There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
