I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
