remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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