called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
ttyl tear gas
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You are the jesus of drinking
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
