You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
