Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
