Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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