I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
