im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
