A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
