In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
