i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
