piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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