I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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