i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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