just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
