I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
